So, I just turned 24! Yaaay :)
The truth is, I’ve never been more utterly and completely terrified. It seems like life has been playing cruel practical joke without an end in sight. Things I had been struggling with erupted into full-blown depression early last year, and it’s been a bumpy ride, to say the least. My inability to open up about it has affected several aspects of my life and led to disastrous consequences.
The more I try to imagine a future for myself, the more afraid I am of what I see. I really could do with fewer panic attacks, and therapy doesn’t seem to be working. I also recently had to come to terms with the fact that I’ve become disillusioned with God, and the last shred of hope I had clung on to for years that things would eventually get better flew out the window.
The truth is that in the past few days I’ve increasingly felt like I had no reason to celebrate today. But I’m refusing to listen to those voices. I figure I’ve done enough obsessing about everything wrong, and I’d like to try and look for some sort of silver lining buried in this mess for a change! So today, I’ll share what I’m grateful for:
I’m grateful for my mother!
This woman y’all! She is a living embodiment of strength, resilience and fierce love. No one has ever been more in my corner than her. Widowed and forced into single motherhood months before I was even born, she promised herself that I would never need for nothing, and she delivered! She did everything, from night shifts at her own clinic to holding down multiple jobs. We were not what one would consider rich, but her many sacrifices sent me to some of the best private schools, put food on the table, beautiful clothes on my back, and much more. Sure, we have had our own shares of problems over the years, but the more I realize to what lengths she has gone to give me a good life, the more grateful I am that SHE is my mother. I can only hope to repay even the smallest portion of what she’s done for me.
Thank you, Mom! I love you
I’m grateful for my friends.
I truly have the best friends I could ever hope for. Especially since I have failed to be an ideal one myself; on several occasions. But these guys keep showing me the meaning of unconditional love. They have stuck with me even when I’ve disappointed them. They’ve been patient and understanding when I was reluctant to open up to them, they’ve reminded me of my self-worth when I failed to see it, and they have – each in their own way – found a way to pull me back when I found myself in a downward spiral.
Special mention goes to Wivine, Rosine, Amandine, Yannick, Joyce, Sandra, Mignonne, Angelo & Jocelyne. I don’t know what my life would be without you guys in it. I want you to know that I’m deeply grateful to you and that I love you very much.
I’m grateful for my mentors.
iDebate has in many ways been sort of a second family for me. More than shaping a huge part of my thinking process, it has given me amazing people to look up to. People who are genuinely interested in my growth (personally, professionally…). Five of them, in particular, have made a huge impact on my life. I haven’t always been the best mentee. In fact, I’ve let them down many times. But for some reason, they’ve kept doing their best to help me become a better person, and for that I’m eternally grateful.
Jean-Michel, Dadi, Ivan, Ekisa & Emma; thank you guys for everything.
I’m grateful for being alive.
From a hilarious childhood incident involving a nail to the temple and some quality first aid aided by duct tape (it gets crazier, but it’s a story for another time😂) to an almost botched minor surgery, to 7 accidents with varying degrees of injuries; I’ve come close to death’s door many times. But I’m still around to joke about them. That’s definitely something to celebrate!
I’m not sure what this new year holds in store for me. But performing this exercise has reminded me that not everything has been bleak, that I have a lot of good things going for me despite everything else. I’m gonna be holding on to that, and I declare that I’m going to have a 24th year full of wonders because I have an incredible support team by my side every step of the way. I also know I've hurt people along the way. I am deeply sorry to and I promise you, I am working on myself. I am working on my flaws in order to become the friend and colleague that you deserve.